Jokes June 13-06

It was Joe's birthday and his wife took him to a strip club as a present.  Upon arriving, the doorman said "Good evening Joe, good to see you again"
Joe's wife shot him an accusing look.
"He's on my bowling team" was Joe's reply.
When they finally sat down, the waitress asked Joe if he wanted his usual Budweiser.  Another
accusing look but Joe shrugged it off "she bowls in the same league in the lane next to my team."
A stripper came over, looked at Joe and asked "your usual lap dance Joe ?"
It was then that his wife had seen enough and quickly left the bar.  Joe managed to catch up to her just as she was getting into the cab.  Begging her to please let him explain, Joe managed to get in the cab all the while his wife is blasting him.
The cab driver turned to Joe and said " Joe, looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight !"

To prepare for his big date a young fella from Sydney went onto the roof of his apartment building in order to get a tan.  Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. 
Unfortunately he fell asleep while on the roof and sunburned his Doins.
He was determined not to miss his date, because it was with a hot blonde.  So, he put some lotion on his doins and wrapped it in gauze, feeling this should resolve his painful situation.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, however the young fella's sunburn started acting up.  After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused.
A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain so he went to the kitchen, and poured a tall cold glass of milk.  He then placed his sunburned doins in the milk and experienced immediate relief.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to find him with his doins immersed in the glass of milk.
With a look of understanding the Blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you load those things."

A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on an airplane.  After a while the priest turns to the rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly.
He was silent for a while, and then he said, "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

Three couples were out golfing in Baddeck with a Caper they were visiting. 
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her
lack of underwear.
"Good Lord, woman! Why aren't you wearing any bloody knickers?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $50.  Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.  Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Caper’s wife bends over.  The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jaisus, Aggie!  Where the frig are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You don’t gimme enough money ta be able ta affard any." The Caper reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Frig, n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."